what do i do wrong !
"I can't shake this little feeling
I never get anything right" --Brand New
hah that^ was stupid
people swear like I know how to get along with everyone
when in reality. i don't.
i don't know how to have a long conversation wth hardly anybody .
i don't know how to keep things going!
i just think wayyy too hard ABOUT keeping things going
maybe I'm just so insecure that I'm scared to try and have a conversation
VERY. rarely can I look somebody in the eye for awhile while we're talking, I've realized.
I'm just a weird person. a reallyyy really weird person hah.
when you can't conversate, you make jokes.
:X!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
saturday night
and im b-logging
i don't think i could get ANY . LAMER
than this.
i had plans tonight
:0
and i got DITCHED !!
:/
so here i am lookin all cute.. with that typical NOT going out face that looks kiind of like >:/.. but really means >:O hahahh
its okay though, i'm really not in the mood to go out
allll day today, and after this crappy week, i've felt like sumthings missing
i don't feel like 'me'.
and not only that, i can't go out anywhere and act myself because i can only cover up so much for so long.. and after awhile i just start to feel
duisrvwneriuvoecpwmw;co whenever i go somewhere
and i don't act how i usually would
i haven't had an appetite today
i ate a bowl of cereal and an apple and thats it
and that is DEFINITELY.not me hhah
the thing is, i donot. even know what's wrong
of course we're not supposed to dwell on anything from the past, but if fall this year were like fall last year i'd be okay
i'm just saying! hahah
the only thing i guess i can do is pray and try and listen to what i need to do
or look for a sign, because i don't know what it is i'm supposed to do.
i'm helpless when it comes to myself
,
like if i was riding a bike in the forest and both my tires(/wheels ?) went flat and my cell phone went dead
what do you do except pray. ahah
sooo im gonna keep pushing
and just do the right thing, hoping i'll feel whole again
yearss and YEARS ago, i'd go outside and sit on the curb
or lay down in the middle of the street in our neighborhood
and just look at nothing, for hours sometimes.. maybe that'll help o.O
i don't think i could get ANY . LAMER
than this.
i had plans tonight
:0
and i got DITCHED !!
:/
so here i am lookin all cute.. with that typical NOT going out face that looks kiind of like >:/.. but really means >:O hahahh
its okay though, i'm really not in the mood to go out
allll day today, and after this crappy week, i've felt like sumthings missing
i don't feel like 'me'.
and not only that, i can't go out anywhere and act myself because i can only cover up so much for so long.. and after awhile i just start to feel
duisrvwneriuvoecpwmw;co whenever i go somewhere
and i don't act how i usually would
i haven't had an appetite today
i ate a bowl of cereal and an apple and thats it
and that is DEFINITELY.not me hhah
the thing is, i donot. even know what's wrong
of course we're not supposed to dwell on anything from the past, but if fall this year were like fall last year i'd be okay
i'm just saying! hahah
the only thing i guess i can do is pray and try and listen to what i need to do
or look for a sign, because i don't know what it is i'm supposed to do.
i'm helpless when it comes to myself
,
like if i was riding a bike in the forest and both my tires(/wheels ?) went flat and my cell phone went dead
what do you do except pray. ahah
sooo im gonna keep pushing
and just do the right thing, hoping i'll feel whole again
yearss and YEARS ago, i'd go outside and sit on the curb
or lay down in the middle of the street in our neighborhood
and just look at nothing, for hours sometimes.. maybe that'll help o.O
Saturday, October 10, 2009
kind of.
lost sight of how much i have
i was in a funk this morning and last night
just an unhappy one
and out of N0where it just came to me
how much i really do have
there's no reason to be upset when i'm so blessed
with the things like a car to drive
and a healthy family
its just sooo so.easy. to get off track
when the simple things are all that matter
!
i was in a funk this morning and last night
just an unhappy one
and out of N0where it just came to me
how much i really do have
there's no reason to be upset when i'm so blessed
with the things like a car to drive
and a healthy family
its just sooo so.easy. to get off track
when the simple things are all that matter
!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
title.
"everything and everyone is beautiful. God never creates ugly."
i was looking at sumbody's myspace page last night..
hah that sounds like a song.. 'i was checkin out a page, on the comp with sum rage..'
..... . . .. ....... sorry anyways
and this girl i was looking at was soooo SO PRETTY.
it made me think
ew .
not that im an ugly person
i think satan can just have his way of making you feel like you're so low
it DEFINITELY. isn't God. he wouldn't ever want you to feel like that. but.
it's exTREMELY easy to let yourself feel like you're not good enough,
and blame it on people, saying they were intimidating, or that they said you weren't pretty enough.
or smart enough
or whatever enough .
but the fact that you can let them get onto your head and let those ideas stick will make YOU believe it.
im not trying to sound smart
im just reminding myself this hah
im okay
im okay....
im okay
..
i don't know what to type anymore
i miss my friend
knowing its better not to hang out with sum people still doesn't seem to make it easier not doing it.
but its better for me i think
i was looking at sumbody's myspace page last night..
hah that sounds like a song.. 'i was checkin out a page, on the comp with sum rage..'
..... . . .. ....... sorry anyways
and this girl i was looking at was soooo SO PRETTY.
it made me think
ew .
not that im an ugly person
i think satan can just have his way of making you feel like you're so low
it DEFINITELY. isn't God. he wouldn't ever want you to feel like that. but.
it's exTREMELY easy to let yourself feel like you're not good enough,
and blame it on people, saying they were intimidating, or that they said you weren't pretty enough.
or smart enough
or whatever enough .
but the fact that you can let them get onto your head and let those ideas stick will make YOU believe it.
im not trying to sound smart
im just reminding myself this hah
im okay
im okay....
im okay
..
i don't know what to type anymore
i miss my friend
knowing its better not to hang out with sum people still doesn't seem to make it easier not doing it.
but its better for me i think
Sunday, October 4, 2009
I'm not a very interesting person..
i've never written anything or said anything where people have heard it and said, 'wow..she's interesting!'
and i couldn't think of anything to put for my title.
so Hello.
Today was general conference instead of church
and for the first time ..ever,
I sat in my room and watched just about the entire thing today.
There was a talk given by our prophet, President Thomas S Monson, about service, and he said:
"Those who save their lives for themselves eventually shrivel up. One's greatest accomplishment comes from serving others."
He ALSO. went on and said:
"You will never feel regret for being kind. We are the Lord's hands to do what is right."
Thinking and stressing day after day about whether I should go on a mission had me go over sooo0 many things I'd be giving up..
my family
.dance.
school
my job
my friend..(s) ..hahha
and then I watched this talk, and to think that there are 500 new missionaries entering the training center every Wednesday makes me realize
that these things are always gonna be there. other missionaries realize this, and I'm SURE a lot of them have more to leave behind than I do..
it's hard being sooo completely connected to the only place you've grown up in all your life. but i am a grown-up now.
i need to do this for sumbody else. this has not one thing to do with me, other than the fact that i am needed to get this work done.
The prophet was not only talking about service for a mission, he was just talking about it in general. He says that every day we should ask ourselves, "what did I do for someone today?" because there is ALLLways. something to do for someone else. we are given the instruments and blessings to be able to bless and help others.
"Because I have been given much, I too must give."
not to get all preach-y or anything hah, but it makes sense.
but ANYway ! so i got a letter from a missionary on friday, and it helps me out S0 much getting these letters. i feel like there's someone else out there in this church that I can actually relate to..
not that i can't relate to a lot of people here, but i feel like i actually have a friend .
....
good feeling ! i feel like i'm being brought up more than down
i feel reallyy really good today.
i feel like i have something to offer other people
whether it be help, or something as simple as a smile
i think everyone has sumthing positive to offer everybody else,
and maybe we just need to take the step and actually make it happen. its so easy to let yourself be intimidated by other people
but being bold can really. be a good thing !
ANYway.
halloween's coming up. i'm beYOND glad its fall..it took forever. to get through the summer, but we made it
LAND HO!
hahhaha
ANYway. m not that good of a writer.. or a talker..
but it's a good thing i don't have friends to expect me to be either ! hahh
im gonna go take a shower and act like its christmastime in my 5 dolla sweats..
this is problly as cold as its gonna get hahah
the church is true!
lds.org
i've never written anything or said anything where people have heard it and said, 'wow..she's interesting!'
and i couldn't think of anything to put for my title.
so Hello.
Today was general conference instead of church
and for the first time ..ever,
I sat in my room and watched just about the entire thing today.
There was a talk given by our prophet, President Thomas S Monson, about service, and he said:
"Those who save their lives for themselves eventually shrivel up. One's greatest accomplishment comes from serving others."
He ALSO. went on and said:
"You will never feel regret for being kind. We are the Lord's hands to do what is right."
Thinking and stressing day after day about whether I should go on a mission had me go over sooo0 many things I'd be giving up..
my family
.dance.
school
my job
my friend..(s) ..hahha
and then I watched this talk, and to think that there are 500 new missionaries entering the training center every Wednesday makes me realize
that these things are always gonna be there. other missionaries realize this, and I'm SURE a lot of them have more to leave behind than I do..
it's hard being sooo completely connected to the only place you've grown up in all your life. but i am a grown-up now.
i need to do this for sumbody else. this has not one thing to do with me, other than the fact that i am needed to get this work done.
The prophet was not only talking about service for a mission, he was just talking about it in general. He says that every day we should ask ourselves, "what did I do for someone today?" because there is ALLLways. something to do for someone else. we are given the instruments and blessings to be able to bless and help others.
"Because I have been given much, I too must give."
not to get all preach-y or anything hah, but it makes sense.
but ANYway ! so i got a letter from a missionary on friday, and it helps me out S0 much getting these letters. i feel like there's someone else out there in this church that I can actually relate to..
not that i can't relate to a lot of people here, but i feel like i actually have a friend .
....
good feeling ! i feel like i'm being brought up more than down
i feel reallyy really good today.
i feel like i have something to offer other people
whether it be help, or something as simple as a smile
i think everyone has sumthing positive to offer everybody else,
and maybe we just need to take the step and actually make it happen. its so easy to let yourself be intimidated by other people
but being bold can really. be a good thing !
ANYway.
halloween's coming up. i'm beYOND glad its fall..it took forever. to get through the summer, but we made it
LAND HO!
hahhaha
ANYway. m not that good of a writer.. or a talker..
but it's a good thing i don't have friends to expect me to be either ! hahh
im gonna go take a shower and act like its christmastime in my 5 dolla sweats..
this is problly as cold as its gonna get hahah
the church is true!
lds.org
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