the M

Today was incredible.. truly incredible. And it's only 10 a.m. haha
This morning, me and some people from church hiked up to the M. It was one of those times that just effortlessly went SO well. I have been praying and praying for who knows HOW long for some friends, as pathetic as that sounds. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the people in my life now. But I realized today exactly how little appearance matters in this world. Everyone I was with this morning just has this love for the gospel that outshines any outward appearance, to the point where I don't even notice what anyone looks like anymore. They are just all so beautiful.
I felt safe, knowing that the Lord has brought these people into my path to lift me through this tough point in my life. To help chip off my rough edges and become better, because I can only see myself becoming better when I'm around other people that want me to do better.

I don't really know how to put all of this into words. But this is just what I needed. Every worry is gone, every weakness seems to be put on hold when there are people around to strengthen you. And that doesn't make you a weak person; it makes you humble.

So this quote, from Boyd K. Packer:
"I went before the Lord and in essence said, I'm not neutral and you can do with me what you want. If you need my vote, it's there. I don't care what you do with me, and you don't have to take anything from me because I will give it to you-everything, all I own, all I am."

Scattered

I tried to describe earlier exactly how I feel, and that is just it.
Scattered. Not lost, because I know that under the Lord and this church, I am allllways found.

It's just a weird feeling, that I haven't really felt before. Not that I've ever been the best to be able to put my thoughts into words.



I miss Ryan.

perfect

would be the Special Ed. kids that crossed the crosswalk together while I was driving this morning

that kept looking back and waving, and smiling at me.
But not only smiling, it was more that they were overjoyed to see me, when they didn't even know me! Like they were overjoyed to see another one of their sisters, ....




Perfect is the fact that this world is horrible, yet they see so much hope in it. They only purely see the beauty, and they only see everyone as they are and can be.
Everybody softens their hearts toward these people. They're innocent, and flawless. How could one not ?

Anyway. I haven't really known what to put in this for awhile. Where to gather my thoughts to even start.
I feel like a completely different person from who I was abouttt. 2 weeks ago ahaha. Doesn't that sound lame ??!

But I've been given so much strength, that has helped me to solely rely on the Lord, and prayer. Not only my own prayers, but the prayers of others. I should be praying like I have been every single time I pray. It's too important not to!
Ryan's doing so well up at the MTC. I'm so proud of him! Every day he is gone I become a little bit stronger. I've learned how to not rely on anything on this earth, as any of it can be gone in a heartbeat. Ryan pushing himself is pushing me. Not only have I realized I can become sooo much more than I am right now, or was even aiming to be before, but I've noticed that as people, we seem to settle a LOT ! When the things that we have to work for become SO MUCH more worthwhile in the end. It's crazy really.

I'm logging off. I thank anyone who has thought to read this, and even put so much of a care into what is going on in my life. :p