500 days of summer

i want to act

but i think now. the more i watch movies, the more i realize i don't really like myself. not that there's anything bad to me i think i'm a good person
but then i see people in movies that are so much more creative than me, and it makes me not want to be

myself ?

i realize i'm not really as 'individual', you could say, at how I think.
of course the characters in the movie aren't real
but the lines are, and the ideas are from real people

i wonder.... if i had never watched a movie in my life, and liked the characters in them more than myself
if i would be the same person i am now.
if i hadn't of compared myself to them, or even tried to BE like them, would I be any different.
would i think any different, or be any more interesting, rather than just
average.

if we didn't have these things to influence us on what is the 'ideal' type of person in our minds, maybe it wouldn't be so hard for everyone to be themselves..
or to just not care what other people thought of them.

of course I could be wrong, but do i really want to try and contribute to people like me who are impressionable, so they turn to movies or shows instead of finding their own identity ?
i've always had a hard time thinking for myself. of course i have my own beliefs and opinions, but not necessarily my own identity. I guess that's just something to work on.
tell me to go shop for clothes that are completely my style, and I will have NO clue what to do.
"lost" if you will.


B.T.W. i finally deleted my myspace. ...1 month and 1 day later than i said i was going to
but BAM! did it. hahah. sooo0o proud. S0 proud.